Nash Read online

  “Good.” He wanted to ask who, but he didn’t want to pry.

  She very quickly finished up and disappeared to gather some more items.

  He sat back, wondering if he’d misinterpreted who she was talking to and about what. He’d assumed it was about her brother’s death, but that was a big assumption. She was a beautiful woman, and he wouldn’t be at all surprised if she hadn’t found a partner to spend time with. It would bring him a dull ache to his heart, but he was all about making sure that she found happiness too.

  She returned with supplies. He watched her as she worked. Just before she was about to leave, she looked at him and said, “Just know that I’m happy. I’m working through some stuff, and it’ll take time.”

  He nodded, as she walked out.

  She stopped in the doorway and said, “I guess I don’t really need to say that to you though, do I? You’re working through your own stuff.”

  “I hope so,” he said. “Sometimes I think it’s three steps forward, and then it seems like it’s ten steps back.”

  She burst out laughing, a sound he hadn’t heard in a long time, and it brought a smile to his own face. “I think you’re right there,” she said. “I was thinking that, if I’m ready, then it should move quickly, but it doesn’t appear to work that way,” she added in a dry tone. “It doesn’t seem fair.”

  “Of course not,” he said. “Life happens on its own time frame, not because we’re ready.”

  She nodded thoughtfully and turned and walked out.

  He sank back against the bed, tired, worn out, wondering when his own energy levels would improve. He needed to take his own advice to live in the moment, to look around to see what he could do from where he was, and to accept that some things would take longer. Just because he wanted his healing to be done didn’t mean that it would be done on his time frame.

  Something was just so admirable about Alicia reaching out for help. He himself had lost buddies in the service, but he hadn’t lost any family members. And he certainly hadn’t been there while they went through a slow wasting away of who they were. That had to be the worst. He couldn’t imagine.

  Every time he thought he had progressed in some way, shape, or form, life showed him how far he had yet to go. Kind of depressing too. He shifted, pulling himself from the bed and heading for the bathroom and a shower. He didn’t have Shane first thing this morning; otherwise he would have waited until afterward for a shower. Instead he was heading for his own shrink visit. He wondered about that, wondering how his rapport with the doctor would go today. He’d never really been the kind to open up. Why would he? He was a fairly private person. Alicia had been the open and happy kind of person. Very bubbly, always the party girl, which was one of the reasons why Nash hadn’t wanted to hold her back when it came to leaving for the navy.

  As he came out of the bathroom, a little bit tired, a little bit shaky, he sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for his body to cool down. He paused, pondering how different the two of them were and about the changes they had both been through, wondering what would have happened if they had stayed together back then. It just seemed so far-fetched that it was hard to even imagine. Maybe that’s why it had been a good thing they’d broken up. Life sometimes happened for a reason—at least he wanted to think so—because otherwise it seemed too hard to understand why some of this stuff was going on if it didn’t need to. He finished dressing, headed for breakfast, and, by the time that was over and done with, he was already outside Dr. Sullivan’s office.

  When he knocked, she called out and said, “Come on in.”

  He made his way inside and took up a spot across the desk from her.

  “Good morning, how are you doing?”

  Nash nodded. “I’m doing fine.”

  The doctor tilted her head. “Fine? Does that mean better or worse?”

  He pondered the concept for a moment and then said, “Well, as I move forward, it seems like we take several steps back. So, even though physically I’m progressing, and I think I’m getting better and stronger, I’m also more tired and a little bit worried about my future. But, all in all, I’d say it’s better.”

  “Took you a bit to get there,” she said. “What about your future is bothering you?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe just the fact that I couldn’t see one, and, now that I can, I need to fill in a blank with something.”

  “Interesting way to think about it,” the doctor said. “What would you like to fill it with?”

  “I’m not sure,” Nash said. “I was wondering about going back to school. There’s certainly money for it. At least in my case. So it’s not that I don’t have any options. In a way, I have too many options.”

  “Hobbies?”

  “Not recently,” he said. “I’m a heck of a gardener, but I don’t think there’s a whole lot of value in that.”

  “How about trees?”

  He pondered the question and said, “Well, I certainly loved hiking in the forests when growing up. But it’s nothing I could turn into a profession.”

  “Depends if it’s something you would like or are capable of doing,” she said. “How about as an arborist?”

  He thought about that in surprise. “I hadn’t even considered something like that.” He frowned. “I wonder what kind of need there is for a tree expert.”

  “I’d say there is probably a decent job opportunity for it,” she said. “But that would have to be part of your market research.”

  “I think that’s what I meant about one step forward and a few steps back,” he said. “Because, as I open up areas that are now possible, I’m also having to fill in those areas with some answers.”

  “Do you feel rushed?”

  “No,” he said. “No, … not really.”

  “Interesting that you add not really to that.”

  He gave her a half smile. “It’s because I don’t really know where I’m going or what I’m doing. It’s still early yet.”

  “And I’m glad to hear you say that,” the doctor said, “because it is early yet.”

  “Somehow it still feels like I am under pressure though.” He turned to stare out the window. “And I think that’s self-induced.”

  “I’m sure it is. Why do you think it is?”

  “Because coming back here is also stirring up other memories about other people I’d met, about other things that I had planned to do, and now potentially could still be viable, but I’m not sure I want them anymore.”

  “Interesting,” she said, “but I like the way you’re thinking.”

  “I’m not sure I do,” he said with a smile.

  “Anything in particular?”

  Nash hesitated, wondering if he should say anything. And then, knowing that it would probably get back to the doctor anyway, if she didn’t already know by now, he said, “It’s one of the nurses here. We were a thing, way back when.”

  “Oh, that’s interesting timing,” the doctor said.

  “That’s what I thought,” he said with a shy smile. “Sometimes it makes you wonder how much of an issue that is.”

  “Why would it be an issue?”

  “Maybe not an issue,” he said quietly, “but it brings back the ‘what if’ questions. What if I hadn’t gone into the navy? What if I hadn’t been blown to bits? What if we had gotten married back then, when we had planned on it? What if I hadn’t been quite so stubborn about going into the service, if I hadn’t forced the issue?”

  “What if you could have been a stay-at-home dad, with no income, looking after seven kids?” the doc said simply.

  He stared at her and burst out laughing. “Oh my,” he said. “That’s quite a picture you just painted. Why would you choose that as my future?”

  The doctor grinned. “Because it sounds like the exact opposite of what you had.”

  “Back then it would have driven me crazy because I’ve always been a doer,” he said. “I’ve always been somebody who believed in serving others, which
is why I went into the navy. I wanted to serve my country. And I don’t think looking after seven kids would have quite fit the bill.”

  “That would have been service to others,” she said. “Not the least of which would be your wife.”

  He gave a marked shudder. “No thanks. Two kids would be lovely. After that, I’m not so sure.”

  “Well, better keep your mind open,” the doc said. “Just because you have a plan, doesn’t mean Mother Nature doesn’t have a different one for you.”

  “Got it,” he said and smiled. “But you know what? If I’d gone to school? If I had done something different, then the navy, then the early marriage? I was planning to be an engineer.”

  “And you still can be an engineer, if you want to be.”

  “No, I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to go out and build things,” he said. “I’d rather take more downtime, put my hands in the dirt, and do something along those lines, I think, at this point.”

  “And nothing is wrong with that either,” the doctor said gently.

  “It doesn’t have to be about ambition anymore. It didn’t have to be about that even in the beginning,” he said.

  “But we often find young men are geared to make their mark in life.”

  “I don’t think it’s just men either,” he said, “but I don’t know. I’m just …” And then he stopped, raised both hands, palms up, and said, “As you can see, I’m still confused.”

  “You might be confused,” the doc said, “but, in reality, you’re working your way through this quite nicely. I’m glad to see that much openness to whatever comes your way.”

  “And I think I can blame Alicia for that.”

  “And why is that?”

  “Because I wasn’t thinking that she was an option now,” he said. “Before my injury, in my mind, us getting back together was something that, if it ever happened, would be years down the road, after I did my tours with the navy. Not likely to happen now because of my physical condition,” he said. “But, as I understand more and see more, I realize that, just because I went through a tough trauma, it doesn’t mean other people didn’t as well. She’s changed a lot,” he admitted. “She used to be the fun-loving party girl. I was quite jealous of her for the longest time because I’m the quiet contemplative type, and yet she is more like me now.”

  “Used to be?”

  “Yes, before she lost her brother,” he said. “After years of looking after him, she changed. I always thought that the changes in me were a problem, isolating me or others like me. I hadn’t extended that to people who weren’t in the navy.”

  “Ah,” the doctor said. “Yes, sometimes everyday lives are completely tossed up and turned over because of life-changing events.”

  “That’s what I mean,” he said. “I hadn’t really considered that. And it’s a bit of a shock to realize just how much I had considered my injuries as my problem, or at least a military-based problem, instead of problems that affected a wider group of people. It’s not that I was selfish, at least I don’t think so,” he said. “I think it was just more a case of being a little narrow-minded.”

  “That’s quite possible,” she said. “And, whatever it is, don’t hold it against yourself. This isn’t a contest to vote who’s right and who’s wrong, who’s better or who’s worse. Just work at being more accepting now.”

  “I didn’t even think it had something to do with accepting. I think it was just this big blind spot about how I’d suffered, and nobody else had. And, because of that, they didn’t understand what I’ve been through. Whereas, of course, a lot of them did understand, have understood, in a way that I can’t begin to understand what they’ve been through.”

  “So, sounds like a very mind-opening issue,” she said. “Definitely something to consider though, isn’t it?”

  “Absolutely it is,” Nash said.

  “So, while you’re going through your next couple weeks, why don’t you look at everybody out there and realize that everyone, every single person, has been through some kind of life-altering event, whether it’s big or small. Sometimes it may be a mental shift, a paradigm shift, but sometimes it comes at you physically. Everybody’s been through something.”

  “No, you’re right,” he said. “I will do that.”

  “Again, I don’t think it was judgment on your part as much as maybe blindness.”

  “And to be expected,” he said.

  The doctor smiled and said, “Remember. Just because we can only see the path in front of us doesn’t mean that a multitude of other paths haven’t opened up in front of other people. And, at some point in time, we come together, our paths cross, something else happens in our world, and it gives you a completely new viewpoint of life.”

  “I think I’ve had that shift from the outside,” he said. “Now I need to do an internal shifting of my thinking.”

  “Absolutely,” the doc said with a bright smile. She got up and opened the door for him. “You’re doing so well,” she said. “Don’t ever forget that.”

  And, on that note, Nash took himself out of the room to his next appointment.

  Chapter 6

  Alicia meandered through her day in a happier mood, having released a little bit of the stress she had been carrying for so many years, now feeling as if maybe things weren’t quite so negative all the time. Or maybe just the gloomy atmosphere had lightened. Her brother was still gone, and the years that she’d spent with him were still a painful reminder that sometimes everything you can do is never enough. But she felt a little bit different. And the fact that Nash had noticed was one thing, but Dani, several of the other nurses, and even Shane had commented on it.

  Alicia shrugged and said, “Just feeling better. Thanks, guys.”

  Later she walked into lunch, headed straight for Dennis, who stood at the counter, just setting up.

  “You’re an early bird for lunch today,” he said with a bright smile.

  “That’s because I missed breakfast,” she confessed.

  Immediately he frowned at her.

  She chuckled. “I’m here though, aren’t I?”

  “Sure, but you should have come in and got yourself some yogurt at least.”

  “I feel guilty eating here while not living on campus,” she said, “and not for the first time.”

  “And I told you that you don’t need to. We need you operating at optimum strength,” he said. “The people here need you.”

  “I’ll try to remember that,” she said, as she studied the food under the glass-topped counter, and then her gaze lit on the chicken. “Is that fried chicken?”

  “Absolutely it is. How many pieces can I get you?”

  She hesitated, and, when he put three on her plate and held up a fourth, she shook her head. “That’s more than enough,” she said. “I’ll be lucky if I can get through that.”

  “Ha! I don’t believe you,” he said. “I’m pretty sure you can eat this quite nicely.”

  “Maybe,” she said. “Just some salad on the side then.”

  “Well, I’ve got a really good sesame one here,” he said. “It’s a bit different, but maybe you want to give it a try?”

  She did, and, with that, she headed toward the cutlery and then the drinks station, where she picked herself up a large glass of milk, some water, and headed out to the sunshine. It had been a busy morning. She had arrived this morning right on time, but still it felt like she was behind. Today was her last workday this week, and then she had two days off. She was looking forward to her free time, for no other reason than to just sit at home and do nothing. She stared at the chicken, inhaled the aroma, and then picked up the first piece and dug in. She sat back, moaning in joy.

  “Well, that’s a sound to put a smile on someone’s face,” Nash said from his wheelchair as he approached slowly on the side.

  She motioned at the buffet across the room. “If you haven’t had any of that fried chicken,” she said, “you need to go back and get some.”

&nb
sp; “Oh, I’ve got some,” he said, as he carefully unloaded the tray from his lap and put it on the table.

  She looked at his selections, smiled, and said, “Okay, I wasn’t even going for five pieces.”

  “I struggled not to take a sixth,” he admitted.

  She laughed, bright glorious peals of laughter that put a smile on his face and caught the attention of several other people around them.

  “Nice to see that you’re still in a good mood.”

  “And I shouldn’t be,” she said. “I’ve been kind of rushing behind schedule all day today. But, after my shift, I get a couple days off and away for a bit.”

  “Back to that,” he said. “You prefer to live away from here, huh?”

  “Nope, not at all,” she said. “It’s something I’m pondering though.”

  “Well, keep pondering,” he said. “Privacy is worth a lot.”

  “I know,” she said. “And it’s been so busy this week that I’ll just go home and chill.”

  “Sounds good,” he said. “I’m not exactly sure what the weekend’ll bring, but I’ll worry about it after I deal with this chicken.” With that, he bit in.

  She watched as he took several bites, a look of absolute bliss on his face. “See?” she said. “It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?”

  She picked up her own chicken and proceeded to polish it off. With both of them busy eating, the rest of the room filling up around them, not much conversation was had. Even seeing him on a regular basis as nurse and patient, it’s like they had fallen back into a simple camaraderie of two old friends that she hadn’t expected and yet, at the same time, loved. They had always been good friends. She had not expected that same relationship to prevail after a decade apart. But it was wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

  When she finally finished her chicken, wiped off her hands, and picked up the fork for her salad, she said, “It’s easy to see you’re enjoying your food,” she teased.

  He nodded but didn’t bother answering, just working his way through the chicken.

  She was amazed that he had gotten through all five pieces but then realized he had nothing else on the plate. “Don’t you want some greens, a salad, or something to go with that?”