Jaden Read online

  He shot her a sideways glance.

  “Often people see the wheelchair as an extension of their own physical space,” she said. “And you take them out of that, and it feels like they’ve been separated from something important. And then they ask you to walk with two sticks and to use your hands and arms to do it, so you can’t carry stuff. And it just adds to the whole uncomfortableness of the new thing.”

  “And yet I’ve used the crutches since I’ve been here,” he said.

  “But you have slid back to using the wheelchair more.”

  “Is it a slide back?”

  “I can’t answer that,” she said. “That’s for you to answer.”

  Chapter 13

  Brianna didn’t want to sound like she was preaching, and sometimes it was hard to separate the nurse she was from the concerned friend she was as well. But she was also feeling too good about herself to not want everybody else to feel this good too. “Sorry,” she said. “I know you didn’t even ask for my opinion. I forget to turn off my day as a nurse when I’m still here in the same surroundings.”

  He shrugged. “Everybody has an opinion,” he said, but his tone caught her sideways.

  “True,” she said. “You’re right. Everybody has an opinion, and, especially in a place like this, everybody has an opinion about what to do and what you shouldn’t do. I guess the really important thing is, you have to do what you need to do for you, for your own healing.”

  He nodded slowly and stared out beyond the deck.

  She wasn’t sure what had just happened, but he was obviously not in the same good mood that he’d been in earlier. “Sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it at all.”

  He just shrugged, then picked up his coffee and had a sip.

  “How has the rest of your day been?” she asked in an attempt to change the mood.

  He shot her a sideways look. “It’s never good when the last visit of the day is with the psychologist,” he muttered.

  She winced at that. “After dealing with a lot of my own issues lately,” she said, “I can see how that wouldn’t be terribly nice.”

  “No,” he said. And then he seemed to shrug it off. He smiled at her and said, “But we go through what we go through, and hopefully we’ll come out the other side whole.”

  “That’s what we keep hoping for,” she said with a smile.

  “You appear to be settling in.”

  “I feel better,” she said slowly, “as if everything slid off my back a bit.”

  “Which is huge,” he said, studying her.

  Cautiously she responded, “It is, but it’s also a little unnerving. I’ve been … off all week. It’s just recently that I realized how much I’ve been allowing the break-up to affect how I view everybody. Mostly women.”

  At that, his eyebrows shot up. “Women?” he asked. “That’s not what I expected.”

  She chuckled. “I know,” she said. “Unfortunately, as I was raised by a father who had a cheating heart, it’s a behavior I almost expected from my ex. So, although I was angry and upset, I gave him an easier pass on his behavior because it was typical male behavior.” She ended this with a twist in her face. “And, of course, that’s not fair. But I held my maid of honor much more highly accountable because she was my best friend. Since kindergarten.”

  “Interesting take on that,” he said, “because it’s not acceptable for a guy to be a cheater, and you shouldn’t have given him a pass.”

  “Exactly,” she said. “But I’m working on the forgiveness part. As I told you earlier, I opened up a dialogue with him, just to get that closure, that sense of letting it go, and I am feeling good about the whole thing. But then I was surprised to realize how I had judged my girlfriend that much harsher because I figured she should know what I was going through and because we’d been such close friends. And how I’ve been holding women at a distance ever since.”

  “The webs we weave,” he said quietly.

  “Exactly.” The two of them sat here in the gentle outside air; the dead heat was gone, but it was still hot. “I have no idea what’s for dinner,” she murmured, her head back and her eyes closed. “But I hope the crowd comes and goes, leaving it a little more peaceful in there.”

  “Does that go along with making friends?” he asked, a note of teasing laughter in his voice.

  “Don’t care if it does or not,” she said. “I’m also a loner. The friends I had were friends I made in school, and I kept them all these years. I haven’t really worked to make any new friends, and I didn’t need to. I was feeling quite fulfilled by the ones I had.”

  “And now?”

  “And now, I guess, I have room for some new ones,” she said, “but they’ll be on my terms.”

  “Good,” he said. “You’re making progress then.”

  “That seems like all we do here,” she muttered.

  “I think the revelations have to come in our own timing, not that we get to choose the timing,” he said. “And not everybody here is on such a talkative path.”

  “Lots of them don’t like to talk about this stuff at all. Maybe that’s where we’re unique too.”

  “Maybe,” he said. “Can’t say I feel like talking about my problems right now.”

  “Sorry,” she said. “You’re making such phenomenal progress that I just hope you can see how far you have come.”

  “Well, it does help to do those progress sessions with Shane, like I had today,” he said. “But then he tells me to use my crutches, but I’d rather use the wheelchair. Yet the crutches are a step forward, and the wheelchair is a step back, but somehow I keep falling back into what’s easy.”

  “Interesting,” she said.

  “And that seems to be everybody’s favorite word too,” he snapped.

  She nodded. “It is, isn’t it? It’s because we come from such different worlds and what you’re going through is so different from what I’m going through, and yet they’re both valid.”

  He looked at her strangely for a moment. “You think my concerns are valid?”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “Of course they are,” she said. “You have your issues, and they’re yours, but they’re just as important to you as the craziness of mine. Most people would look at me and say, Get over it. They don’t sense the validity behind my emotional trauma. Sure, I’m making it a bigger trauma by always focusing on it, instead of getting past it. But you have to get to a certain point before you can get past it.”

  “Right,” he said. “I think I’m scared.”

  She looked at him in surprise. “Of what?”

  “Your comment about the wheelchair being an extension of me made a valid point,” he said. “I can count on it. I can’t really count on the crutches, or at least I don’t want to count on the crutches.”

  “Okay …”

  “What I really want is to count on my leg, but I can’t yet.”

  “Can’t or won’t?”

  He looked at her sideways.

  She nodded. “Won’t.”

  He groaned. “It’s so stupid.”

  “No,” she said. “It’s not stupid at all. The fact that you can walk on your leg …”

  “But it gives out,” he said.

  “Is that something Shane can work with?”

  “Yes,” he said slowly. “It hasn’t happened in a while, but you certainly don’t forget suddenly ending up on the ground in immense pain because your leg gave out.”

  “Hence the crutches,” she said. “And the more you use the crutches, hopefully the more you’ll use that leg, and the more it’ll build up.”

  “Something like that,” he said. “Honestly I’m so tired of it all.”

  “The healing?”

  “No, the mental conversations. Even the verbal conversations. It’s just … It never ends.”

  “You’re right,” she said, “so let’s talk about something completely different.”

  He looked at her in surprise and asked, “Like what?”

&
nbsp; “Favorite movie.”

  “The Green Mile.”

  She stopped, froze, and said, “Oh.”

  He frowned. “Yours?”

  “Avengers,” she said with a grin.

  He nodded. “Okay, so that was pretty good too. Favorite song?”

  “‘Happy’ by Williams, Pharrell Williams,” she said immediately.

  His eyebrows shot up. “I’m not sure I’ve heard that one,” he said.

  She pulled out her phone and found the song on YouTube.

  As soon as she played it, he nodded. “I really like that beat.”

  “I love everything about it,” she said. “Favorite food?”

  “Cookies,” he said, holding up the big cookie in his hand.

  “Okay,” she said. “That would be a favorite treat. So, how about favorite food?”

  “Steak.”

  They went back and forth, finding out and learning a little bit more about each other all the time. Finally she turned to look behind him and said, “You know what? I think the cafeteria is half empty now.”

  He twisted slowly, mindful of his back and leg, and nodded. “You think we can make it?”

  “Absolutely.” She hopped to her feet, grabbed their empty cups, and said, “You didn’t eat your cookie?”

  “Saving it for dessert,” he said, “but I feel like I need to hide it from Dennis now.”

  She had big pockets in her long sleeveless cotton overshirt, and she stuffed them both in. “Come on. Let’s go get food.”

  As they made their way through the line, she pushed two trays so that he could come behind her on his crutches. When they had filled both trays, she said, “I’ll take the one over and then come back.”

  “There’s got to be a way to do this,” he said. He lifted his tray with one hand and shook his head, as if considering whether he should try it.

  She looked out at the deck and again at his tray and said, “Well, let me take mine and give you a chance to see if you can figure it out.” And she turned as she deliberately walked away.

  Jaden looked at the tray, then at damn crutches, and grabbed the second crutch so that both were under one arm. Now he could grab the tray in the center, where he carried the bulk of the weight of the plate and took a tentative step, using the crutch for support. And that worked not too badly. He took another one. He made slow progress, but he was using his good leg and supporting his bad leg with the crutches. Finally somebody came up and placed a hand on his shoulder, then took the crutches out from under his arm and said, “Now try it.”

  He looked over to see Shane standing there, holding both crutches.

  Jaden frowned and slowly adjusted his hands on the tray, then warned, “I could fall and send this everywhere.”

  “You could,” Shane said calmly. “In which case, we’ll have a hell of a mess to clean up. But it won’t be the first time.”

  Jaden nodded and slowly gained confidence as he walked toward the table where Brianna sat.

  He watched her jaw drop, and she immediately stood up and said, “Wow.”

  When he got there, he felt a huge smile splitting his face. “Right?” he said.

  She looked back at Shane, who was walking beside him but holding his crutches. “Is he allowed to walk like that?”

  “If he can walk like that,” Shane said, “he should be walking like that. The crutches are just that—they’re a crutch. Sometimes you need that. But too often you depend on it because it’s something that you can count on. But they aren’t necessarily the best thing for you.” He waited until Jaden had placed his tray down, and then, moving carefully, he shuffled backward, teetering a little bit as his steps were unsteady.

  But Shane didn’t reach out to help him.

  Jaden moved the chair back and then slowly sat down again. “Wow,” he said. “I forgot what it was like to be independent.”

  “Do you want the crutches, or do you want me to take them back to your room?”

  Jaden took a deep breath, then looked at the crutches and said, “Maybe just leave them here in case.”

  Shane nodded and stood them up at the side of the table. “Just in case,” he said. “You can carry them just as easily as I can.” With that, he disappeared.

  Jaden looked across the table to see the glowing delight on Brianna’s face. “You look happier than I am,” he said in a teasing voice.

  “The progress,” she said, “is massive.”

  “Well, it feels pretty darn good. I’m not as comfortable with that leg yet though.”

  “Of course not,” she said with a wave of her hand, completely dismissing the issue. “You’ll get there though. Every day you’ll get stronger. And the more you can walk on that leg, the better.”

  “Yeah, that was part of what happened today,” he said. “Shane took away my wheelchair.”

  She stopped in the act of lifting her fork. “He took it away?”

  “Well, I wouldn’t have said anything earlier, but, when I got back to my room, I got changed and was heading down the hallway with the crutches. I heard something behind me, and I turned to see him pulling my wheelchair out of my room.”

  She chuckled. “I gather he figured you were done with it.”

  He winced. “Yeah. I figured so too.”

  “It should be a celebration,” she said gently, “because this is major progress.”

  He nodded. “It is, and it should be. And really it is,” he said. “It’s just new.”

  “New is different. And new is uncertain, and new feels unsteady. But every day you’ll make it better, steadier, more stable.”

  He nodded. “I need to walk every day now,” he said, “to build up that confidence in my leg.”

  “With the crutches or without?”

  “Both,” he said. “With the crutches, walk a bit, lifting the crutches and then using the crutches. You know? That off-and-on type thing.”

  “So, why don’t we work it into our lunch break?” she said. “Either inside or outside, although outside would be nicer.”

  “Outside would be good,” he said. “It’s one of the big advantages of being here, isn’t it?”

  “It absolutely is. And we can get a picnic too, if you want. We could take a walk down the road, find a place sit down, eat, and then you get to walk back again.”

  He stared at her. “That sounds lovely,” he said. “Are you sure you’ve got the time?”

  “I’ve got the time,” she assured him. “Besides, tomorrow is Friday. After that, it’s a weekend.”

  “Have you got plans?”

  “I do,” she said. “I’m going to see my girlfriend Susan in Houston.”

  “Are you driving or flying?”

  “I’m driving this time. It’s just three and a half hours each way. Not too back for a quick weekend trip.”

  “Good,” he said. “Iain is coming out this weekend too.”

  She beamed. “See? We’ll both have friends to visit this weekend.”

  “I’ll miss you though,” he said.

  “I’m only gone for the weekend,” she said. “I’ll be back Sunday night.”

  “So, have dinner with me and Iain,” he said. “He’d love to see you again.”

  “Maybe,” she temporized. “I don’t want to insinuate myself into your visit, just in case Iain isn’t happy about it.”

  “He’ll be happy,” Jaden said. “Don’t worry about that.”

  Chapter 14

  Friday’s lunch was a resounding success. They walked a good hundred yards out, with his leg showing no signs of weakening. Then, they sat, had a picnic, enjoyed their break, and, on the way back, he lifted the crutches, and he slowly walked. “Shane said to walk without a limp,” Jaden said with a laugh. “That’s easier said than done.”

  “That’s because you then favor the other leg,” she said. “And I’m sure he doesn’t want you to do that.”

  “Exactly.”

  They parted on wonderful terms, and she got up early Saturday morning, ex
cited for a quick road trip to Houston.

  As soon as her friend saw her, Susan exclaimed, “I haven’t seen a look like that on your face in a long time.”

  She shrugged and said, “Well, that may be because I’ve met somebody.”

  “The same somebody?”

  “Yes,” she said, and the two headed off for shopping and then lunch, and the whole time Brianna told Susan all about Jaden’s progress at Hathaway House.

  “So, he has both legs and both arms? It’s just a matter of getting his back and his right side improved? That structural integrity you mentioned?” Susan asked.

  “Yes,” she said.

  “He’s lucky.”

  “He is, indeed,” she said. She found, as the day went on, that she felt lighter and happier just by being around Susan again. When they stopped for coffee, Susan reached across the table, grabbed Brianna’s hand, and said, “I have to tell you how you seem like your old self again.”

  “I feel much better,” she said with a laugh. “Understanding so much of what I went through and letting it go has helped. Seeing you again has been another huge help.”

  “We’re not that far apart, especially if you fly in some times, and then I can fly in to see you too, although by the time you drive to the airport, deal with security and lineups it might be faster to drive,” Susan said with a laugh. “You know what? Maybe we can do a girls’ weekend every month or so.”

  “Wouldn’t that be nice?” she said. “I could invite you over to my place. You have got to taste the food there.”

  “But all your meals are covered,” she said. “How does that work?”

  “Yeah, but I can also buy a guest meal ticket and have you come join me,” she said.

  “Oh, well, that’s an idea too,” Susan said with a laugh.

  “It might be a nice break for you. Come visit at the pool, spend some time drinking coffees—fancy coffees, if we want—have dinner in Hathaway House or out in Dallas, and a relaxing evening back at my place. A sleepover, like old times.”

  “You’re on,” she said. Then she stopped and said, “Unless you’ve got a date with Jaden.”

  “I might be spending some time with him,” she said with a shrug. “You’d be welcome to come regardless. I can also arrange my dates with him for any day of the week.”