SEALs of Honor: Brett Page 2

  Now she found it hard to even step outside these very nice accommodations to walk around the supposedly safe property. She didn’t want to be here. Her kids didn’t want to be here.

  Even worse it was getting harder to keep these fears hidden. All the well-meaning family was crowding in on her mental space asking why she wasn’t out enjoying the experience. Pretty soon she was going to have to admit she was terrified to go outside. And yet she was in the US Embassy – as safe as she could get.

  Why was it she couldn’t have the opposite reaction? Shouldn’t she be going out and enjoying every day knowing she’d been given a second chance? But it had happened so fast, so out of the blue that she found herself looking for the boogeyman around every corner.

  And then there was Brett.

  Seeing him had brought up a ton of other conflicting emotions from before Jimmy. They’d been an item once. Years ago. She’d broken off their relationship, dating several other men before meeting Jimmy. The man she’d ended up marrying.

  But she’d loved Brett first.

  She sat down in the living room, the kids at her feet playing with Lego blocks, wondering how her life had gone so wrong. Brett also represented trauma in her past. Yet it didn’t feel that way now. She’d regretted breaking up with him soon after. There’d been desperation in her actions when she’d hooked up with Jimmy. As if afraid life was passing her by and all the good guys were gone. Foolish – she wasn’t even thirty yet.

  When she’d met Jimmy her life had changed, and she’d known that was exactly what she wanted. But as she looked back it wasn’t that she’d wanted Jimmy as much as she’d wanted to settle down.

  Now look at her.

  She was a widow with two kids, and Brett looked to be the same as he always was. Actually, better. There was a dangerous edge to him now that was damn sexy. And he’d packed a punch before. Too bad. She’d lost her bikini body after having kids. She never regretted having them, but at times it was hard to see herself as a sexy woman and not just a mother.

  She leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes. She just wanted to sleep. To have the world go away. Instead, the phone rang. An insistent chime she couldn’t ignore.

  She wasn’t going to answer it. But it rang and it rang and it rang.

  “Mom, the phone,” Jimmy said as he leaned against her knee and stared up at her. Even she could see the worry in his eyes. She reached down and pulled him into her arms and hugged him close. “I know, baby. It’s probably just another reporter. I don’t want anything more to do with them.”

  That had been her excuse every time.

  “Reporters yucky,” he said. He let her squeeze him for another quick second before he squirmed out of her arms and slid down to the floor back to his Legos.

  If only her life was that easy.

  She sat down on the floor to help him build a truck.

  A hard knock on her door interrupted the idyllic haven she’d formed. The harsh sound sent shock waves through her system. The children immediately started crying. A response to her fearful reaction more than at the visitor.

  “It’s okay, guys. It’s snack time.”

  Immediately the tears dried up and the kids raced to the door. She’d ordered food to their room for every meal after the first day. The kids knew the system well.

  She felt a little bit guilty because she knew she hadn’t ordered anything. But if it stopped them from being afraid then she was all for the little white lies of life.

  She peered through the peephole. And froze. It was Brett.

  Shocked, her forehead dropped against the door.

  “Open the door, Ceci.” His tone was calm, quiet, and determined.

  Shit. He’d never let her walk away from this. She opened the door. “Wow, what you doing here?”

  “How long did you think you were going to be able to hide?” he asked her, his gaze carefully assessing her.

  She frowned at him. Not sure exactly how he’d found out, she said cautiously, “I’m not hiding at all.”

  “My mother phoned.” That’s all he said. He leaned against the door jamb and crossed his arms over his chest, apparently unconcerned at the turmoil in her heart.

  “Your mother?” Damn that woman. She was the most caring, loving, interfering woman Ceci had ever met. But she was also determined to manipulate the family, extended as well, as far as she could reach. She didn’t understand boundaries. Hell, she blasted through every one she came to as if they weren’t there. Especially if it was for your own good. “I’m sure it must have been nice to talk to her.”

  Brett walked in. She glared at him. “You could wait until you are invited.”

  “And that would be when hell froze over.” He stopped and stared at the pile of Legos on the floor then back at the two little kids wrapped around her legs. She watched as he immediately sat cross-legged on the floor and in a calm and quiet voice said, “Hi guys, remember me? Of course, I’m not wearing my night gear right now, but I’m the man that carried you to the boat.”

  Jimmy’s face brightened up cautiously. Jennifer’s thumb immediately went into her mouth.

  “I’m one of the good guys, remember?” Brett said with an easy smile.

  Jennifer smiled at him. The thumb came out and she toddled closer, her arms out. He scooped her up and gave her a quick hug. Then he perched her on one knee. Not to be outdone Jimmy raced over and sat down on the other.

  Ceci watched in amazement at the easy acceptance of the stranger in their midst.

  Brett smiled at him. “I came to see if you guys were doing okay?”

  “We want to go outside,” Jimmy said in a teary voice, having no idea he just broke a dam wide open.

  “That’s a great idea. I’m sure your mother has shown you the playground in the backyard. Maybe we can go down there.” He raised that gaze and pinned her in place.

  Immediately she crossed her arms over her chest and started chewing on her bottom lip. And here she’d been hoping to keep things quiet a little bit longer.

  Jennifer shook her head. “Mommy says no.”

  Brett uncrossed his legs and stood up with both of the kids still in his arms. They both squealed and clutched at him.

  “Well I think we can fix that right now,” he said laughing. But there was a note of steel in his voice and she…

  Ceci didn’t dare raise her gaze. She couldn’t.

  “Ceci, let’s grab shoes and coats and get these kids out to the playground.”

  Both kids squealed and tried to squirm out of his arms. He set them down and they ran for shoes and coats.

  Ceci shook her head in a quiet desperation and said, “No, not today. We’re not going outside today.”

  “Or any day?” Brett stood in front of her, and she realized she hadn’t fooled him one bit. Brett was bound and determined to force her outside. Damn his mother anyway.

  Completely overruling her, he had the children dressed and standing at the front door in minutes. When she protested, he placed a finger across her lips and shoved her arms into a vest. He opened the apartment door, pulled out a pair of slip on shoes and dropped them in front of her.

  “Put them on.” He stood implacable in front of her. No threat, but absolutely determined she was going to do as he willed.

  Trembling she stepped into the footwear and stood before them. He wasn’t going to carry her out.

  And there was no way she was going outside any other way.

  *

  Brett had no idea what was going on inside her head, but it was obvious she’d become terrified of the outside world. And that had to stop now. It wasn’t healthy. For her or the kids. She obviously hadn’t recovered from the hijacking.

  “We’re doing this for the kids,” he said, watching the stiffness leave her slight frame. “They need fresh air. They can’t stay cooped up inside all the time regardless of what you want.”

  She wasn’t really fighting going out, but she wasn’t exactly giving her okay either. He pushed her o
ut into the hallway, dragged out the stroller he’d found in the closet and set Jennifer in to buckle her up. Tucking his arm through Ceci’s, he walked the family toward the park.

  Whether she wanted to or not they were going outside.

  Beside him, Ceci walked like a robot, not looking around but staring straight ahead. She didn’t pull her arm away from him, but neither did she actively hold his.

  Whether she hated him or not wasn’t the issue right now. She needed to get out of this prison she’d created for herself.

  “Any word on when you’ll get your passports?”

  She shook her head. “No,” she muttered. “I never thought I’d be in an embassy for a week.”

  At least she was talking to him. “It won’t be much longer.”

  “Then why haven’t we gotten them yet?” she asked. “Jason and the others made it back to the US safe and sound.”

  “You left your documentation on the ship. Did anyone try to find them?”

  “The pirates took my purse. No idea where they put it.” She shook her head. “This is just a comedy of errors.” She turned to glare at him. “And there’s nothing funny about it.”

  “There’s something odd in the paperwork for the children,” he said. “I checked with some of the people I know in the embassy. It’s what they are trying to fix.”

  “That’s the same line of garbage I got when trying to get death benefits after Jimmy died.” She shrugged. “I think governments just like to make things difficult.”

  “You left the country without anything to prove the children were yours.”

  “It never occurred to me. They said I didn’t need anything but our passports. I had those.”

  “Is Jimmy listed as the father on the birth certificates?”

  “He’s listed on the registration papers I sent in. I never did get copies of their birth certificates, so I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Who knew something simple could turn out to be so difficult.”

  “It’s not that they are doubting that the children are yours or that you’re an American citizen because they can prove that part, but they need to have a paper trail. They are expediting the paperwork to get that accomplished.”

  She snorted. “Expediting, right. I’ve been here a week already, remember?”

  “Part of the reason for the delay is the national holiday. Two of them. One in each country. Not everyone lives on your time.”

  “I just want to go home,” she muttered.

  “It’s only a few more days.”

  “Says you.”

  He glanced over at her and saw she was once again chewing on her bottom lip. He reached up and smoothed his finger across it. “Stop,” he scolded gently. “You’ll hurt yourself.”

  She gave him a shuttered look and walked over to the bench at the back corner of the grounds. They were still in the secure compound. For all intents and purposes they were on US soil here. She was safe.

  “You could look at the bright side. Realize you are safe and sound and this just shows government bureaucracy at its best.”

  “I know.” She watched the kids scream for joy in the sandbox. “That makes me feel even worse. I don’t feel safe here. I feel like something else is going to happen, and it could be even worse. Although I escaped the pirate nightmare in my head it’s still not over because I’m not home.”

  “Sure, but this is an adventure.”

  She shot him a fulminating look.

  He grinned. “How many holidays have you taken since the kids were born?”

  She snorted. “The yacht was to be the first one.”

  “Then make the most of this. It could be years before you get a chance to go overseas again.”

  “Sitting in the US Embassy, stuck for all intents and purposes until pencil pushers get my paperwork in order, is not my idea of a holiday,” she snapped.

  “Look, I get it. You’re pissed off, frustrated and probably still dealing with fear from the pirates. But this isn’t so bad,” he said with a grin. “You’re not in any danger, your passports will be ready in a day or two. So, think about the kids and do something fun for them.”

  At her glare and thick silence, he realized he shouldn’t have opened his mouth. But he’d never been one to hold back. “Look, I’m sorry. I understand this isn’t easy and I’ve done a ton of traveling so maybe it’s easier for me, but why aren’t you enjoying the time you have here?”

  “Because I’m scared,” she whispered. She bowed her head. “And what does that say about me?” She gave a painful laugh. “The whole time I was married to Jimmy I wanted to travel. I wanted to go see the world. Then as soon as I get the opportunity to do just that it’s without Jimmy and all hell breaks loose. It was one of the big issues between us. Then I lost him. And now all I can think about is that I must’ve made his life miserable and it was over something I knew nothing about. Traveling is not what everyone says it is. I just want to go home.”

  “You feel guilty?” He reached over and laced her fingers through his. “Jimmy is gone. You can’t change that. And I doubt he would’ve blamed you.”

  She stared down at their fingers and then squeezed his tight. “Have you ever made a decision in the heat of the moment, and all you do is look back and regret it?”

  There was an odd silence. Then in a hoarse voice he said, “Absolutely.”

  Chapter 3

  She studied him intently. “What decision do you regret?”

  He stayed silent, a small smile playing on the corner of his lips. “You first.”

  Why hadn’t she kept her mouth shut? She shook her head, and muttered, “I can’t tell you. At least not yet.”

  “That’s okay,” he said. “We’re all entitled to our secrets.”

  A gentle silence ensued between them. As if the chasm had been approached, and a bridge had been built, but neither had made it to the other end. Ceci tilted her head to the sun and let the warm rays soothe her tattered soul. It was stupid that one incident a week ago should still ravage her peace of mind so badly. But it brought old traumas to the surface. Ones she thought she’d dealt with. Was this post-traumatic stress? Surely one incident shouldn’t ruin her life.

  “It’s as if I’m still in danger.”

  His other hand reached over and covered hers. She glanced down to see her fingers gripping his hand so tightly her knuckles were white. Immediately she tried to loosen them. With his hand holding one of hers she stretched out the fingers of the other.

  “Is that because you didn’t see the gunmen after they were killed? To know they couldn’t come after you again?” Brett asked quietly. “Or because you didn’t stay on the yacht as everyone else did to pick up the pieces of their lives? Everyone has to find closure in their own way. What is it going to take for you?”

  “If I knew that, I would have done it,” she snapped irritably. “Sorry. I didn’t mean that to sound as short tempered as it did.” She could sense Brett’s gaze on her face.

  “You acknowledge that the danger is over. That you’re away from the ship. Away from the gunmen…and yet, still hiding away inside.”

  “You think I don’t know that?” she cried. “It’s like a fine edge of sandpaper is rubbing along my nerves. As if there is something secret going on around me…but no one will tell me.” She shrugged. “I know it sounds stupid. Why do you think I’m so irritable? So angry? I keep telling myself to stop it. To grow up. Stop being such a fool. And yet I can’t. Instinct is screaming at me to run.” She leaned back against the bench and closed her eyes, her arms now crossed over her chest. “It makes no sense, but I can’t ignore it.”

  “I’m not going to argue with instinct,” he said. “In my business, it’s huge. It’s what keeps us alive.”

  “Sure, but you’re one of those over the top macho men in the military. You’re trained to do and be everything.” She gave a self-mocking laugh. “Me, I’m nothing. I’m a mom of two beautiful little kids. That’s it.” She refused to open her eyes even as she felt B
rett shift beside her. She knew he was looking at her. Searching for something to say. She could sense the intensity of his gaze as it wandered across her face.

  “Do you really feel that way?”

  She bit her lip. “I hate that I do.” Her eyes flew open as she stared into his huge, warm eyes. He’d always been so accepting of her faults. She, on the other hand, never had any kind of tolerance for them. “Do you hear me? Do you hear the whiny brat inside? It’s not who I am. It’s not who I want to be. But right now, it’s like I’m stuck in this space. I don’t recognize who I am.” She waved her hand toward the children. “It’s so hard to try to keep it contained, so I don’t affect them with my foolishness.”

  “Let’s go back to this instinct thing. Let’s examine that a little more closely.”

  That prompted a choked laugh from her. “Fine. What’s to examine? I feel like I’m in danger and I don’t know why.” She glared at him, daring him to laugh at her.

  “Right now? At this very moment? While I’m sitting here beside you?”

  “No…” she said slowly. “But it’s there in the background.”

  He sat back. “When did that feeling start?”

  “As soon as I arrived here.” She looked around the high walled garden. “The place is secure, but I always know outside of that wall it’s a very non-secure world.”

  “Is that where this coming from?”

  “I don’t know.” She waved her hand back to the building. “The first day it seemed normal, people were talking to me, there were several conversations as we dealt with the paperwork. I was given the small apartment to stay in with the kids. Everything seemed happy, normal. At the time I was still in a state of shock. I slept every chance I could. We slept, ate, slept and ate again. Anytime I ventured out, it seemed like there were eyes everywhere. There was never anyone obvious, nothing wrong that I could see…so I stayed inside.”

  “Okay, I’ll accept that. There has been a lot of strife with the embassy. I doubt I can get answers, but I know people who can. Discussions going on that don’t concern you can affect the atmosphere. If they heard about an imminent attack and are preparing for it, I don’t imagine in this case they’d explain it to you.”