Melissa: A Hathaway House Heartwarming Romance Page 12
“Maybe other people,” Dani said gently, “but not me. I know you.”
She smiled at her friend. “Well, you do and you don’t. You haven’t known me for a while. I don’t want Shane to pay a price that I wasn’t really counting had to be paid.”
“It doesn’t,” Dani said, cheerfully hopping up. “And it particularly doesn’t if I know that you care about him as a person.”
“Well, that’s a definite yes,” she said with a smile.
“Good,” she said. “Then we’ll leave it that you guys can work your way through this.”
“Is it always this hard?” she asked.
“Well, I didn’t have a great set of relationships in my history either,” she said. “What I have with Aaron is 100 percent different than anything I had ever thought was possible. So maybe take all those expectations and previous history of your past relationships and throw them out the window and just work toward allowing something brand new to come in. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at what you can create out of this.”
“And should I be trying to create something or just letting something develop naturally?” she asked. “I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. I don’t want to push him. I don’t want him to feel like, you know, I’m on his case every day or even there all the time. I don’t want to do anything to chase him away either.”
“And, of course, you’re worried about that need to belong again,” Dani said. “And I do understand that.”
“I’m glad you do,” she said with a half smile, “because I’m not sure I do. It could dominate so much in my life right now.”
“Again, maybe decide what you want. Go after it, and then, once you’ve stated your intentions, let things fall into place and see how it develops. It’s all about trust and communication. With those two things you can do so much more in life.” She reached over, gave Melissa a big hug. “I’m so grateful that you came here.”
“You’re grateful?” Melissa said with a big laugh. “I’m the one who’s grateful. I was stuck, and I couldn’t see what you were trying to tell me as even being a possibility, but now that I’m here—Wow! It’s just so incredible. I want to pay it back by doing something to help someone, something in the world too, and I feel like sometimes I’m just so frustrated because I don’t know where to go from here.”
“And again, that’s because you didn’t think that here, where you are right now, was even a possibility, so trying to figure it out, how to go from here, is a whole new concept.”
“It seems like everybody’s telling me that lately,” she said.
Dani gave a laugh, lifted her hand in a wave, and walked out the door.
As she left, Melissa realized just how much of a friend Dani was. Melissa was not only here because Dani was concerned about Melissa but also about her friend Shane.
At that time, Shane walked in the door to her room, just missing Dani. He looked at Melissa, smiled, and said, “Hey, gorgeous.”
She laughed. “Now, you see? If I actually was gorgeous,” she said, “I’d think you meant that. The fact that I’m only just now recovering from walking like a crab, going sideways …”
“And that’s because, once again, you’re stuck thinking on the outside, not the inside,” he said. “Remember? Here we don’t worry so much about the outside because we know how much it can change. Here we’re all about the inside. And honestly, your inside is beautiful. It’s a little insecure, a little shaky. But it’s come so far.”
“I heard you got asked about our relationship and questioned about whether it was helping me or hurting me.” She said it so abruptly that the smile fell away from his face.
He nodded slowly. “Yes, and that’s standard procedure. We’ve had a lot of relationships come together here,” he said, “and it’s always about the patient, what’s good for them, what they need, versus what’s good for me or anybody else.”
“That doesn’t sound very fair,” she said.
“We’re not the ones who are recovering from major trauma, with massive life changes. The meeting was just fine. Don’t you worry about it.”
She sat back, happy with his answer. “So you’re not …” She didn’t know quite what to say.
He looked up at her. “I’m not what?”
“You’re not regretting being friends with me?”
His eyebrows shot up. “No,” he said. “It’s what I want, so it won’t matter who says what.” And just then his phone rang. He pulled it from his pocket and looked at it. “I’m late for another meeting. I have to run.” He took off in a jog.
She worried about his words for a long time afterward. She sat here on her bed until it was lunchtime, and then she managed to walk slowly and carefully down the hallway. She was so much better obviously but still months away from doing this without collapsing and exhausting herself. However, her progress was obvious—more than obvious, it was incredible.
As she stepped in line and picked up a tray, still mindful of her actions, Dennis walked over with a big smile and said, “What can I get for you today?”
“How about some self-confidence?” she said, as if she were reading a grocery list. “A dose of forward-thinking and some idea of what I was put on this planet to do.”
He stared at her with surprise; then a huge grin flashed across his face. “Done,” he said. “Absolutely. No problem with that.”
She stared at him with as much surprise as he’d had, while he dished her up a great big salad with a grilled chicken breast off to the side, some steamed vegetable medley that looked delicious next to it. She said, “This doesn’t look like what I ordered.”
“Well, like all things in life on a big level, you said it takes a bit of time. All you really have to do to get the answers to all of what you just asked for,” he said, “is go inside and trust. Check out your heart. You’ll find all the answers you need are right there. It’s usually insecurity and fear that stops us from going after what we really want. After that, it’s all just noise. Stop listening to the noise. Find the goodness inside, and you’ll get all the answers you want. See? It’s easy.” And he turned to the guy behind her and asked, “What can I get you today?”
And, with that, she had to be satisfied. She picked up her tray and slowly walked to a table. As she sat down, her mind was turning over Dennis’s words. Because such a kernel of truth was in there, a kernel of honesty and decency, and, yes, realization that what she was really doing was looking outside herself for the answers, when all she had to do was look inside.
Shane had to admit that, as much as he didn’t like it, he felt like he walked a little bit more carefully around Melissa for the next few days.
Finally on Friday, she headed to his office, faced him, and said, “Spit it out.”
He looked at her, questioning. “Spit what out?”
“Whatever is bugging you,” she said.
And just enough exasperation and frustration were in her voice that he had to chuckle. “And what if nothing’s bugging me?”
“Well, obviously something is,” she said. “And I don’t know what it is, but I would like to know. And, if it’s more of that craziness that got you into trouble at the meeting or that I had to talk with Dani about, we need to put a stop to it right now.”
He turned toward her. “What would you like to do with that?”
“Go forward,” she said instantly.
“In what direction?” he asked cautiously, studying her.
She looked almost spitting mad but not quite, as if she were just a step or two away from losing it, and that was something he had yet to see.
“I’d like to see where this can go,” she said. “In all honesty, I feel like you’ve been pulling back from me.”
“I don’t think I’ve been pulling back as much as I’m making sure you have space.”
“Did I ask for space?” she demanded.
“No, you didn’t,” he admitted. “But you also don’t ask when you need help or speak up when it’s
too far gone or when something needs to stop.” He watched her wince at that. “So I’m just giving you a chance, without trying to upset you, to give you a bit of distance.”
“Well, I don’t like it,” she snapped.
He nodded. “Can’t say I like it either.”
“Then stop it,” she ordered. “Immediately.”
He faced her, then started to laugh and laugh.
She stood here with her hands on her hips and said, “Why? What’s so funny?”
“You,” he said, “because, honestly, when you make up your mind about something, you’re quite adamant. But, until you make up your mind, you’re insecure about it.”
“I think everybody is,” she said.
“And I agree with that,” he said. “I think most people are insecure, until they make up their mind, and then they’re right there. I just hadn’t really seen it blossom before in you.”
Color washed up her cheeks at his words.
He smiled gently and said, “And I like it.”
Somebody called out from the doorway. He turned to see his next patient.
“And you, my dear, need to head back to whatever you’re up to next.”
She groaned. “I think it’s more lab tests.”
“Good,” he said. “I’ll be interested to see how they turn out.”
“Meaning that my nutrition might be getting better?”
“I think that all the supplementations—and those lovely green drinks that I know you don’t like—should be helping. This will give us a marker to let us know for sure.”
She nodded agreeably and, moving carefully but upright, she headed for the door.
As she got there, he whistled and said, “By the way, it’s looking really good.”
She tossed him a cheeky smile and said, “So are you,” and disappeared around the corner.
He was still smiling to himself as Arnold walked in. “Well, I don’t know what medicine you’re giving her,” he said, “but I want some too.”
At that, Shane burst out laughing. “Same medicine as everybody else,” he said. “Just lots of hard work.”
“Oh, I don’t know. Something pretty special seems to be going on between you two.”
“I hope so,” Shane said. “It’d be nice if I would get that lucky.”
“Ah, so now we’re talking about lucky,” Arnold said, a twinkle in his eyes.
Shane shook his head. “I’ve watched a lot of relationships form in this place over the last year,” he said with a smile. “I just didn’t think it would ever happen to me.”
“It’s always hard being on the outside, isn’t it? Everybody else doesn’t always realize just what it’s like to watch all those around you have a stroke of good luck, and you’re sitting here wondering when and how your world will ever get a break. And then, boom! Just like that, it’s changed.”
“Something like that, yes,” he said. “And I really didn’t think it would change anytime soon for me. But surprise, surprise.”
“I like her. She’s nice,” Arnold said.
“Have you had much to do with her?” Shane asked, curious.
“No, but she’s always around. She’s always polite and friendly. She’s always got a smile, you know? And I don’t care how beautiful a woman is or how much a woman does to make herself beautiful, but, when a natural smile comes from her heart, … it’s more beautiful than anything they could ever do to their face.”
“I agree with you there. I don’t think she really sees that inner beauty.”
“And that just adds to it,” he said. “You’re not always dealing with her ego then.”
“And yet there’s often an insecurity issue,” he reminded Arnold.
“And that just means that she’s insecure about where she stands. Make her feel better about that, and you’ll see her really blossom.”
Arnold’s words stayed with Shane for a long time. He knew, in theory, that was quite true. He’d seen it time and time again with self-confidence in other patients. And he wasn’t sure just what the core issue was with Melissa, but he wanted to be there to see that same blossoming in her. And he wanted it to happen because of him and because she wanted to be with him.
“Which isn’t asking for much,” he muttered to himself. And truly maybe it wasn’t, but it was something that mattered. And that meant he had to do something about it.
Chapter 12
Melissa had meant what she had said to Shane, to Dani, but still that weird disconnect continued on around her. She didn’t like it one bit. Finally a few days later, she debated whether she should even go into the dining room for lunch. She felt … out of sorts. Then she realized she needed food because it’s the only way she would build up enough strength to move herself out of here.
Just the thought of leaving Shane dropped pain into her heart. As she walked with her tray, she frowned at the food.
“Uh-oh,” Dennis said, “I don’t like the look on that face.”
She looked up in surprise, then shrugged. “I was just thinking about taking something and going outside with it,” she said. “I’m feeling a little bit closed in.”
“In that case,” he said, “if you’re up for some sandwiches or some hot pot pies, I’ll make up a picnic basket that you could take outside.”
“Oh.” She tilted her head at him. “Is that possible?”
“In my kitchen, anything’s possible,” he said.
She smiled. “I’d really like that. I’d like to spend some time with the animals.”
“Be right back then,” he said. He disappeared into the kitchen, even with other people in line behind her.
She looked around a little worriedly, but another woman came from the kitchen and took his place, proceeding to help everybody else in the line. Melissa stepped aside. As long as she wasn’t holding people up, it was all good.
Dennis came back a few minutes later and walked around the buffet, so he was out of the kitchen area, then gave her a wicker basket. He said, “Try this for size.”
She lifted it and said, “It’s not too bad for weight, but it feels like a lot of food.” She frowned at it. “I didn’t need much. Just a sandwich would be good.”
“Nope, not around here,” he said. “We do picnics all the time. Go and enjoy.”
She nodded, said thank you, and, as she began to walk away, he called out, “Are you okay otherwise?”
She looked back at him, smiled, and said, “Yeah. Just lots to think about, you know? Like you said, go inside and find some answers. But it’s hard to find time and space to go inside.”
He nodded with understanding. “That’s the truth. Don’t be surprised if somebody finds you out there and comes to join you.”
“That’s fine,” she said. “I’m not trying to be alone. I’m just trying to get out of the space I’m in.”
And, with that, she turned and slowly, carefully walked to the elevator. She was still not as confident in her footsteps as she would like to be at this point in time of her recovery. The fact that she was doing as well as she had was a testament to Dani’s team. And then Melissa had to trust and follow through, and that was the testament to herself. She had to remember to give herself kudos for following and believing and putting her faith in these people, who had it all worked out for her, which was just a huge boon. Now she had to figure out what to do after this. And Shane was a big part of that.
Taking the stairs outside the clinic, she slowly moved toward the pathway, wondering if she would have been smarter to have brought the wheelchair; this would be one of the longest walks she’d ever done—not that she was against it, but she didn’t want to tire herself out.
Stan was outside with several dogs, walking them around.
“I didn’t think about it,” she said, as she called out to Stan, “but I guess they all need to get out and to get exercise and to have bathroom breaks too, don’t they?”
“They do, and I need fresh air and exercise too.” He motioned at the picnic basket. “Whe
re are you going?”
“Down the pathway to where the horses are. The walls were starting to close in on me.”
He nodded in understanding. “Helga would love to go with you, if you want company,” he said. “But no pressure if you just want to be alone.”
She looked at him, as a great big Newfoundlander was already halfway toward her. “Will she stay with me?”
“We’re fully fenced out here, so she can’t go far,” he said. “And you can bet that she would love to go anywhere with you. She loves being outside, and she adores the horses.”
“Well, if I am not in any danger of having to chase after her or losing her,” she said, “then I’d love to have the company.”
“Good.” He called Helga over, and she came running. He gave her a good scratch behind the ears and said, “Would you prefer to have a leash on her?”
“No. I’m not that stable on my feet,” she said instantly. “As long as she’s okay to be free and running all by herself. But maybe I shouldn’t …”
“She’s perfect,” he said. “Just keep walking and call her to you. She’d love to come.”
And, with that, Melissa headed out, smiling to see Helga immediately coming after her. “She really does like to be out with us, doesn’t she?”
“With anybody and everybody, and she doesn’t even know she hasn’t got but three legs,” he said.
“Which makes it perfect for her,” she said with a bright smile. “That’s what we all need to do. Just realize life happens, deal with it, and move on.”
Stan nodded and asked, “Are you okay then?”
She flashed him a bright smile. “I am, indeed,” she said. “Just one of those days, you know, where you wake up out of sorts, and you’re not sure why.”